Saturday, September 20, 2008

Geek Chic 5

Yes, I screamed.
"Damian and Bebe?! What are you 2 doing?" I asked, pulling a chair from the next table and turning to sit. I pushed it under the table and grinned widely to them.
They looked as ecstatic as I felt.
"We just wanted to, see how you're doing." Bebe explained. My hopes seriously went from pitch high to lower than low.
"Just to see?" I looked down and stared at my shoes, "I thought you two would be joining me." Suddenly I felt so naive. My cheeks blushed a little despite the cool breeze still streaming into the canteen.
I felt Bebe's pat on my shoulder, "Don't get so down..." her voice getting a little muffled. Must be the cold. "We'll come and see you if we can, anytime. We will. And anyway the good news is, our parents approve."
"Approve what?" I inquired. I didn't want to let my disappointment show so I kept my tone light and easy. I guess Dame sensed it because he went, "Let's go outside."
I glanced back towards Mary who is now balancing the two bottles while putting her cash back into her purse. "Wait here." I said, turning to Mary.
I ran to Mary.
"Mary, uhm - my friends are here," I pushed the hair that got caught in my face while I was talking to her, she looked busy with her cash, "so i'll come by later. It won't take long." She nodded her tiny frizzled hair head.
I didn't hesitate and went over to Bebe and Dame. Giving them a push from behind, I finally got to drag them out of the canteen. I guess I looked peeved, since I was peeved anyway! My hands on my hips, I demanded an explanation. "So what did they approve?"
"Uhh, we can come by anytime!" Bebe replied, sounding somewhat a little too fake. Dame backed her up, "Yep. Anytime, at all." They nodded viciously. It was hard not to laugh.
"Amusing. Look,I know you didn't tell your parents you're coming over." I rolled my eyes. The air out of the canteen felt so much fresher compared to the crammed place. I felt so unclaustrophobic all of a sudden. "It's cool, but really - tell them. We can still text and meet each other, right?"
Dame gave me a warm smile. "But I thought you were mad?" Bebe said, sounding sympathetic. I shook my head and lifted my shoulders, "Whatever. I'm having a hell of a time here,anyway." I was lying, I wasn't having a great time at ALL, I HATED IT.
"So we'll come by soon,again?" Dame suggested, exchanging glances with Bebe, who now just sniffed vehemently. Why must she be so emotional?
I nodded, again. I really missed my friends. Even if it wasn't even a week. I really wanted to go around and lounge with them, just the way we did. Maybe even have a group hug, but I knew that would make Bebe cry harder. So I was basically against the wall.
Dame led Bebe the way and they started heading towards the front door back to school. They were very late, and the effort to actually surprise me was really sweet. But it wasn't as surprising as Dame and Bebe skipping school. For me.
I turned to look away before I caught the last look of their backs. Striding into the canteen as if nothing happened, I carved another wide smile. My eyes were watering and my nose was tingling. The burning sensation couldn't hold back, anymore. Mary had just sat on one of the chairs and was waiting for me. I couldn't do it, not in front of Mary.
I begin to turn back. To run for the toilet, maybe to calm down and reevaluate the real reason why I was beginning to cry. Because honestly, I didn't know why. I looked at the tiles because I knew, the tears will be rolling soon, before someone knocked me. Hard. And I abruptly fell on the ground. With my tears rolling.
* * * *

"I'm sorry!" A tall, suspected 15 year old guy stood before me. I must have looked like a MESS! Tears rolling and me lying lifelessly on the floor. At the corner of my eyes, Mary was coming to the rescue. The guy held out a hand, now I was blushing harder than ever.
"Uhh." I sniffed and held my bum. One part of me started screaming LOSER but one part of me just shushed the other part down. "Owww."
The guy chuckled and covered his giggle, as if I were so stupid I didn't hear it. I cast an evil look at him. So much for being nice and clean cut. "Sorry!" he apologized again. I jerked my hand from his clutch and straightened my skirt. I wiped off the tears in a hurry.
"So sorry," he said again, looking at me earnestly as I wiped off his stupid salad remaining on my shirt. "Lemmi help you."
Huh? How? Clean my shirt? Don't even come close!
That's when Mary came. "Winnie, are you alright!?"
I looked away. No tears display. That guy was looking curiously at me. "What's the matter? Can I help you buy a drink,perhaps?"
"Uhh, no. Bye." I uttered and fleeted away, leaving Mary and The Guy behind.
I wasn't even MAD. I was super duper embarrassed. Running into the ladies, I ran through the incident and listed this the next '10 most embarrassing moments of my life'. Yes, apparently I do have that list.
When I reached the toilet, no one was in it. I hurriedly walked to the basin and turn on the tap. The cold water flowed, I scooped and flushed it against my face. The water streaming down my face, I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror.
It wasn't bad, as I thought.
No scratch, nada. Not even a bruise, maybe I'm overreacting. But The Guy that hit me, really did a great job. I was straining for the victim here, me or him? Because, true - I was looking down, but couldn't he see me? You know, being all leave-me-alone position I was in?
I touched my forehead. It was clean and smooth, except for a small pink zit that was the cause of over stressing on my brother and this whole school thing. I placed my bangs down so it would cover it.
A knock on the door sent shivers down my spine. Quickly, I pulled myself together and pretended to pull tissue. It was Mary, holding my bottle. I felt so sorry for her and super angry at myself. I couldn't have just left her alone. Her face wasn't twisted with anger or happiness, just wretched.
"I-" I started to stammer. She looked at me in the eye, one hand still supporting the heavy cheap toilet door. "am sorry." I sighed.
"Yeah, it's okay. I mean, I'm used to it." she let go of the door and handed me the drink, looking all weak and tired. I grabbed the drink and apologized again. We went out of the toilet and I led her to the bench I sat earlier thinking about milkshake.
That's when she started weeping, out of nowhere. Her voice sounded shaky, too. I held her close. "What's wrong?"
"You don't understand. You never will." she tore her eyes from me. "I'm so neglected and desolated. You know, it's as if I'm on an island myself." Her voice broke through more sobs in between. I held her tight. "And no one ever liked me. I was the outcast. Always will be."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know her that well. How was I to know if she really was a party crasher. Or maybe she wasn't even invited to parties. "Everyone's got something special." That was the best I could think of. And the effect? Nothing.
"I mean," I squeezed my eyes to think of more words,"you're nice. So don't fret it." Then I shushed, maybe crying out after so long of bottling is good.
"I'm nice. But do you see anyone that cares?" Her hands now getting sweaty in mine and her tears streaming down her eyes. She looked, if not mistaken, horrible. I didn't mean to be mean, but really. Her eyeliner, bold black, had carved a cone like shadow under her eyes. And what more her frizzly hair, it made her look all the like crazy girl with eye bags. Her sobs and definitely, choking mucus, really disgusted me. I never had the great deal of experience holding someone when they're crying. So, you can imagine.
Immediately, I grabbed my phone out. She looked startled, looked up at me and had a questioning look. I slid open the phone and clicked 'camera', with a second, it got hold of her awful face. I placed it in front of her face, and sure enough, she got what I desired most of anyone. A laugh.
She laughed at her own self-destructive face. "It's terrible." she commented. I laughed along, too. Still staring was her candid shot, where her eyes were half opened and half closed, brought more roaring into my ears. "Ha-ha!"
In class, Mary's laughter still rang in my ears. "Winnie! Pay attention!" the Maths teacher called out when she noticed me drawing stuff on my book. I was in fact,drawing my name with glitter pens. Don't you just love em'?
"Yes, ma'am." I replied back, tittering a little. I mean, you would, too. Ma'am is so formal! She cracked a smile. "Okay, so now that the numerator isn't same - we can shortcut the calculation by focusing on the denominator." she continued.
I didn't daze away this time. In fact, I got
entangled by the fact that The Guy was sitting right at the end of the class. And I, so ostensibly, looking at him. How could I have even missed him? That's when it all figured. Like 2 + 2, but a little more complicated, that the 'big bang' that happened a while ago, was made on purpose.

He wanted to 'coincidentally' bump me. And it was beyond obvious because as I stared at him, he stared back with a small smile on his face and his eyes glistening.
He wanted to distract me.
Just the way he liked it to be.