I fled to home that day, okay, not fled. I was in the bus, as usual. But I could feel it in every cell of my body that the bus actually fled forward. As Adam and I reached forward into our house, I just took two steps up my room. Flinging open the door, strangely I had this inner feeling like something was just waiting for me inside. Of course it turns out my absurd imagination did not turn out.
I opened the closet door as Mum shouted sarcastically, "Oh look, Adam's home. Where oh where is my daughter."
I shouted back with the tone of hurry. "Mum, I'm here." And I heard muffled footsteps coming up. I had closed the door, and I couldn't exactly hear what she was mumbling. Perhaps she thought I was depressed to come home locking the door. I don't know.
Expectantly, she cracked open the door and peeked. "A date, I assume?"
Okay, hold up - when did mum ever say the word 'date'? And why was she so cool about it?
I quickly denied it, and it was the truth. It wasn't a date, it was an explanation day date. Date nevertheless.
I so stupidly smiled in front of her, and that blew it.
"No. It isn't a date, it's just that Ian wants to explain something to me." I explain, carefully inserting words that do not explode Mums.
She nodded, acting oblivious that her daughter was telling a lie.
"It's not a lie, Mum."
"Okay," she said, holding her hands in surrender, "whatever you say."
"Whatever..." I muttered, holding back a satisfying smile. This is sooo not going well. "I'm going to, look presentable."
She nodded once more, and raided my closet. Mum, I don't exactly need your help.
"Thanks mum, for helping me in this."
She smiled warmly, and I smiled in return. Actually, having a mum helping you find something isn't that bad after all.
"Mum," I asked hesitantly, afraid that I'd burst her bubble or any of her thoughts. Maybe she's contemplating whether she should do this or not, maybe right now she's going to say No. Maybe she's still keeping her cool, and if I said anything, anything at all that sounded wrong to her ears, I'll be cut off the deal.
And nobody wants this, would they?
Well, except Mum.
"Yes?" she said, as hesitantly as I did. She grabbed a pink dress for me, and I covered my eyes. "I see that we're going to have to unchoose this." she said with a little laughter.
"Why are you letting me do this?"
"You mean, going to Ian's house?"
"No, just...going." I didn't know if that made any difference, but I didn't like Ian's name in the middle of the sentence. It made me feel emotionally claustrophobic.
"Because I trust in you." She said casually, but her voice heavy. Like it meant a lot, in a sentence I gulped and nodded, as she grab another lime colored hoodie out of the closet. It wasn't long-sleeved, more of a low cut at the neck and very loose at the arms. Nevertheless, it looked fab.
"What's there to trust?"
"Oh, you know... You know the boundaries, don't you?" There we go again.
"Yes mum, we don't need to go through it. I got like, everything memorized."
She smiled easily, and sucked in a deep breath. "This isn't such an easy thing to me," she said, "but I want to give you a little bit of independence. Of course deep inside, I'd rather say no. But I just want to trust in you. The other side of the story is, would you break my trust? Or would you gain more out of it?"
I thought about for a moment. She was making sense, I was going to gain her trust.
"I'll gain it."
"And it makes sense in your mind that I'm doing this to protect you, but also with a little freedom. Winnie, you know, everything in life has a choice. But it's just yours to make." She tugged me to try out the green hoodie, and I took it from her hands.
"And of course, think about the aftermaths too." she added, now picking up a navy blue jeans. Since when did Moms have styles?
I nodded obediently. I got her, and to think of it, who would want to hurt themselves for someone you'd know would never last? I'd rather not plant a wound in my heart than try to plunge it.
"Good." she examined, as I came out from the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. It was great! I looked like me, of course. But with a tang of happiness, cheerfulness. Something that I'd constantly been lacking of. In front of the hoodie wrote 'JOVIAL' with a pink and careless scribbled heart at the side. I did like how it looked on me, and I applied a little gloss before Mum left.
"Remember what I said." she reminded me again, and I smiled. This might the opening of my life, or it might just be the closure....
Unless, it's just something not meaningful. Just an obstacle along the way.
What's going to happen?
I opened the closet door as Mum shouted sarcastically, "Oh look, Adam's home. Where oh where is my daughter."
I shouted back with the tone of hurry. "Mum, I'm here." And I heard muffled footsteps coming up. I had closed the door, and I couldn't exactly hear what she was mumbling. Perhaps she thought I was depressed to come home locking the door. I don't know.
Expectantly, she cracked open the door and peeked. "A date, I assume?"
Okay, hold up - when did mum ever say the word 'date'? And why was she so cool about it?
I quickly denied it, and it was the truth. It wasn't a date, it was an explanation day date. Date nevertheless.
I so stupidly smiled in front of her, and that blew it.
"No. It isn't a date, it's just that Ian wants to explain something to me." I explain, carefully inserting words that do not explode Mums.
She nodded, acting oblivious that her daughter was telling a lie.
"It's not a lie, Mum."
"Okay," she said, holding her hands in surrender, "whatever you say."
"Whatever..." I muttered, holding back a satisfying smile. This is sooo not going well. "I'm going to, look presentable."
She nodded once more, and raided my closet. Mum, I don't exactly need your help.
"Thanks mum, for helping me in this."
She smiled warmly, and I smiled in return. Actually, having a mum helping you find something isn't that bad after all.
"Mum," I asked hesitantly, afraid that I'd burst her bubble or any of her thoughts. Maybe she's contemplating whether she should do this or not, maybe right now she's going to say No. Maybe she's still keeping her cool, and if I said anything, anything at all that sounded wrong to her ears, I'll be cut off the deal.
And nobody wants this, would they?
Well, except Mum.
"Yes?" she said, as hesitantly as I did. She grabbed a pink dress for me, and I covered my eyes. "I see that we're going to have to unchoose this." she said with a little laughter.
"Why are you letting me do this?"
"You mean, going to Ian's house?"
"No, just...going." I didn't know if that made any difference, but I didn't like Ian's name in the middle of the sentence. It made me feel emotionally claustrophobic.
"Because I trust in you." She said casually, but her voice heavy. Like it meant a lot, in a sentence I gulped and nodded, as she grab another lime colored hoodie out of the closet. It wasn't long-sleeved, more of a low cut at the neck and very loose at the arms. Nevertheless, it looked fab.
"What's there to trust?"
"Oh, you know... You know the boundaries, don't you?" There we go again.
"Yes mum, we don't need to go through it. I got like, everything memorized."
She smiled easily, and sucked in a deep breath. "This isn't such an easy thing to me," she said, "but I want to give you a little bit of independence. Of course deep inside, I'd rather say no. But I just want to trust in you. The other side of the story is, would you break my trust? Or would you gain more out of it?"
I thought about for a moment. She was making sense, I was going to gain her trust.
"I'll gain it."
"And it makes sense in your mind that I'm doing this to protect you, but also with a little freedom. Winnie, you know, everything in life has a choice. But it's just yours to make." She tugged me to try out the green hoodie, and I took it from her hands.
"And of course, think about the aftermaths too." she added, now picking up a navy blue jeans. Since when did Moms have styles?
I nodded obediently. I got her, and to think of it, who would want to hurt themselves for someone you'd know would never last? I'd rather not plant a wound in my heart than try to plunge it.
"Good." she examined, as I came out from the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. It was great! I looked like me, of course. But with a tang of happiness, cheerfulness. Something that I'd constantly been lacking of. In front of the hoodie wrote 'JOVIAL' with a pink and careless scribbled heart at the side. I did like how it looked on me, and I applied a little gloss before Mum left.
"Remember what I said." she reminded me again, and I smiled. This might the opening of my life, or it might just be the closure....
Unless, it's just something not meaningful. Just an obstacle along the way.
What's going to happen?
